The Wolfman/Wongo Scale

In my previous post about the 1977 film Snowbeast, I mentioned the Wolfman/Wongo scale. You probably had no idea what that was, if you read it, and for good reason, because I conceived it while writing that review. Basically, the Wolfman/Wongo scale is just a simple tool to convey how good a B movie is, for B movie standards. The Wild Women of Wongo, is the worst movie I’ve ever seen, B movie or otherwise. I’ve never finished watching it because it was so bad, a feat only accomplished by two movies*. Maybe someday I’ll finish it and then talk about it, but don’t hold your breath. So, If a movie is really bad, as in, not entertaining, even for a B movie, it’s on the Wongo side of the scale. If it’s good, for a B movie, it’s on the Wolfman side, referring to Universal Picture’s 1941 classic, The Wolfman. Now, The Wolfman is in no way a B movie, I only chose it because A. It’s really good, B. It fits the theme of the movies that I talk about here (Monster movies) and C. It starts with a ‘W’, so we’ve got, like, an alliteration thing going. Thanks for reading, now you know what’s goin’ on.

*The other was Birdemic. Never watch Birdemic. It is not going to be as entertaining as you think. Just watch some YouTube review of it, or whatever, and be done with it, you don’t have to watch it.

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Beyond the Gates (2016)

Beyond the Gates is a B movie from 2016. It tells the story of two estranged brothers, John and Gordon, whose father has been missing for several months and is presumed dead. They meet up to clean out their dad’s old VHS rental store, and they discover the last tape their father ever watched: A VCR game called Beyond the Gates (roll credits). They take it home and play it, along with Gordon’s girlfriend, Margot, and soon begin to discover the game’s deadly consequences. When I watched this movie, I did not intend to write about it, but I feel like I need to talk about it. This movie represents a lot of missed opportunities and lost potential for me. The acting is good, the writing is pretty solid, the effects are awesome, especially considering the budget (only $300,000!), and the score is absolutely incredible, but onto the bad stuff. The pacing is not very good. The trio doesn't start playing the game until, like, halfway through the movie, and they don't actu...

Snowbeast (1977)

Maybe this wasn't the best movie to start with, since it's definitely on the far better end of the spectrum. On the Wolfman/Wongo scale (We'll get there), this lands somewhere in the middle, but definitely closer to the Wolfman end of things. I've actually seen it multiple times because I actually, genuinely enjoy it. Snowbeast is basically about a, you guessed it, snowbeast, terrorizing a ski resort and the attempts by the manager, his best friend and Olympic skier, and the sheriff to kill the monster. I won't go too much farther into the plot, because I want you guys to watch it for yourselves. Back to the quality of the film: When I say this is one of the better films I'll be talking about, that's not saying much, since most of them are going to be fakakta. That being said, there are parts if this movie that are genuinely very good. The acting and dialogue is actually pretty good, ya ...

My Mom's a Werewolf (1989)

My Mom’s a Werewolf is an absolutely awesome horror comedy (leaning more on comedy) from 1989 that’s about, well, basically what the title says. It tells the story of teenage Jennifer, whose mother, during an extramarital affair, is bitten by a werewolf, and Jennifer’s struggle to cure her. Well, at least, ideally. A good chunk of the movie is dedicated to the mom slowly turning into a werewolf and being all confused and embarrassed. Those parts are pretty gosh dang boring, but I think the rest of the film more than makes up for it. This is absolutely one of my favorite B movies; it definitely lands above Snowbeast (1977) on the Wolfman-Wongo scale. It’s just so campy and full of really weird scenes, I can’t help but love it. Literally my only complaint about the movie is there’s too much time devoted to the mom’s transformation, that’s it, everything else is perfect. Since I enjoy this movie so much, I don’t re...

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